My Name Is Raging River

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COVID forced my middle school cohort into our first period of remote learning. The transition was easy, in regards to planning and providing lessons to my kids. Zoom meeting are fluid, efficient, and the kids adapt quickly to the transition after having ran this process before. 

However, Ms. Montoya has a hard time with all the downtime. Being a middle school teacher is constant action and interaction. At one moment I'm lecturing, the next I'm "meeting a kid in the hall" to discuss their most recent outburst, and at another moment I'm comforting a girl who is distressed about the uneven pattern of her braids. It's live action. It's a adrenaline pumping fun. It's what I love to do. Therefore, my move to remote learning is a hard one. I feel to idle and I miss the continuous connection. 

With the gyms at limited capacity and businesses with limited seating, I find myself wandering the streets doing one of my favorite pass-times, walking. During these times of quarantine, I'll walk for hours. I'll walk for miles. I love being outside, the fresh air, and seeing the fellow walkers whether they are pushing strollers or shimming with their cane. During my walks, I'll indulge in the silence, but more often than not I am tuned into a playlist or to a podcast. 

This past Saturday, I stubbled upon a podcast and since then I've listened to it three times. The man interviewed is named Light Watkins and he is Yoga teacher turned influencer who spoke about identity, leaning into chaos, and the importance of connection. Today's post will focus on identity and its relation to adopting a new name.

(Time Stamp: 19:00): At the age of 32, our protagonist changed his name to "Light" following his reflection about the concept of identity. The idea of a name change is something that has always intrigued me. In fact, I've undergone that change in my lifetime. For about three years of my life, I went by the name Sr. Giorgianna. It was in fact a new identity. It was a name I took when I cut off my hair and assigned myself the identity of a contemplative. However, the identity didn't fit. In fact, my whole being and body rejected it. Turned out I didn't want to be poor, celibate, and especially not obedient. I was not Sr. Giorgianna. I returned to the world as Brianna, not the shortened nickname version of "Bri". Nope, I was something new even after that. So, I understand the concept of a name change and I vibe majorly with the idea of taking on a new name for a new phase/chapter. 

Following the first listen of the podcast, I entertained the question, "what will my next name be?". To say I haven't played with the idea before would be a lie because your girl has several stage names and pen names in the bank. Hell, I love making up a name at coffee shops and hearing them yell out, "Order up for Rhianna" or "Order up for Chi-Chi". However, this name change would be something more permanent. What name would I adopt for the everyday? What name would capture my identity and this next chapter in my life?

 I began to play with the idea by taking stock of my current desires. I began to play with the idea flashing through my memory deck of moments where I feel most alive. I began to see images, colors, and events that remind me of my inner essence. My next chapter is the color emerald. My next chapter will be winding. My next chapter will consist of smooth ponds to soak in as well as rapids to crash down. My next chapter is adventure as well as peace. My next chapter is a raging river.  My name is Raging River.