Attack Position

These barbie pink sunglasses were my sole accesory. Gotta keep it girly when doing a male dominated sport. Oh, and I loved the chest protector...it was giving gladiator vibes.

Gondolas are intended for pep-talks, meditations, and affirmations.

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Adrenaline and an attack position; spontaneity and "sending it"; fearlessness and flow meets Brianna on her mountain bike.

This past weekend, I made the rather spontaneous decision to rent a mountain bike and try my luck "Downhilling '' at Winter Park. Downhilling (also referred to as DH) "is a form of gravity-fed mountain biking where there is little to no uphill riding involved". In fact, a true downhill doesn't even require you to trek up a mountain, instead you ride a lift/gondola. 

I first heard about downhilling from a high schooler who was taking a driving lesson from me when I was a driving instructor (yes, I've had a variety of jobs: CDL licensed bus driver, saleswoman at those kiosks you see at the mall, driving instructor, basketball referee, teacher, dj, burlesque dancer, etc). As we drove around town I asked him what one of his hobbies was or a sport that he enjoyed and he told me about downhilling. He talked about the thrill of flashing down a mountain while dodging "baby heads” (small round rocks on the trail) and leaning into a banked turn while hearing your fellow racers inch up behind you. He spoke so eloquently and poetically about this extreme sport and I was enthralled. In between my blurbs of, "When safe, go ahead and make a left lane change" I inundated him with questions about this scarcely practiced hobby for a mere teenager. He was amused by my enthusiasm and he said "You have to try it., especially since you are not afraid of getting into a high speed car with a new driver. You are obviously pretty brave...or crazy!". We laughed and completed our drive and told him that one day I would be downhilling. 

And, that day came.

I invested in some fun by renting a mountain bike for the day. For a humble $250, I was given a $7,000 dollar mountain bike, a lift ticket, a full face helmet, chest protector, elbow pads, knee pads, and gloves. I walked out of that bike shop looking like Robocop, but aesthetics were on the backburner that day. My focus instead was on challenging myself at a new sport and facing my own fears and insecurities about my abilities. Sure, I've always been athletic, but this felt a bit outside my wheelhouse.  As I rode the gondola up the mountain, I felt the nerves kick in, but I kept repeating to myself, "You can f*^*ing do this, Brianna!" As I departed the gondola and saw the maze that was the map, I knew that I would be sticking to the "greens" (the easiest trail) to start. So, I hopped on "Green World'' and began my downhilling adventure. Admittedly, I began my downhilling career too timidly and with too much brake. I was intimidated by the steepness of the hills, the obstacles that seemed to come too quickly, and the sharpness of the switchbacks on an already narrow trail. I felt myself fishtailing and skidding, which may look cool on video, but is known to be the precursor to "biffing" it.

About mid-trail, I took a break and caught my breath. I felt my heart pumping, I felt the quick rise and fall of my chest, and I felt my body heat skyrocket. It was during this rest that I decided to strip down and cool my body. I took off the gloves, knee pads, and elbow pads which felt like they were constricting me and causing me more anxiety than I actually felt. I stuffed them in my little backpack and felt relieved. I felt stable and strong and by taking off that "armor", I felt the fear leave. That "armor" had made me feel like I was preparing to fall at some point, but when I took it off I felt that surge of trust that I feel for my body and my own athletic abilities. But, keep in mind, I kept my full face helmet and chest protector on...gotta protect the goods, as they say. 

As I  inched back to the trail I heard, "Aren't you cold?". I smiled and turned around to find a fellow mountain biker decked head to toe in gear/warmth. I said, "No, I run hot. Plus, I'm from here. This is still summer weather" (it was about 50 degrees on that early morning). He looked me up and down and said, "You're crazy"; probably alluding to my wardrobe of a sports bra barely covered by a chest protector, and my black yoga pants with minimal protective gear. I smiled and shrugged and said, "I know". 

Feeling light, cool, and free I blasted down the remainder of the trail. I felt my confidence swell, my grip loosen and my reach for the break lessen. I began to hit and curve corners with ease and even got in some little bunny hops off those darling baby heads. I smiled the whole way down as I repeated, "You can f*^*ing do this, Brianna", "You're a hurricane", and "You're in total control, just control the mind". 

I hit a flow going down that mountain. I zeroed in on the moment and began to banish thoughts of "what if...", and "I can't do this''. Instead, I leaned into trusting myself and realizing that my worst enemy wasn't the "baby head", the "face slappers'' (tree branches), or gaps/jumps; but instead, the worst enemy was my mind's ability to fear and catastrophize. As I blazed down that mountain I began to hit a zone of meditation where I actively pondered what this was re-teaching me.

It reminded me that the "obstacle is the way"; this is the idea that taking the seemingly safest route can actually be the route to demise. You witness this on the trail as you approach a part of the trail that is littered with rocks/boulders and overgrown roots. When you approach these obstacles, at a fast speed, your first impulse is to dodge them, but by dodging you actually put yourself at a much greater danger of wiping out. Instead, it is best to charge head first into that which seems terrifying and to trust your own ability to adapt and ultimately survive.
I was also reminded of the importance of embracing the flow...to go into the chaos...to loosen your grip; because braking and gripping will not gain you any more control, instead, it is the number one reason why people eat it and leave that mountain battered and bruised. And, I think you can apply that same thinking to life. No good comes from trying to stop or slow down something that is inevitable and gripping onto something is also denying the nature of a gift (freely given and freely taken). 

My meditation then bounced to the common metaphor of the mountain and the ups and downs that come with it. Typically, the up is referring to the mountain peaks, the "ultima" of the trip. But, upon reflection, no one stays at the top. In fact, that "top" always seems somewhat unfullfilling as we look for that next peak after a long slog up the mountain. It then reminded me of that story from the New Testament, when three of the apostles go up the mountain and witness the "Transfiguration of Christ". They see Jesus lifted into the air and his clothes turn to a dazzling white and the apostles are both awe-struck and thrilled as their Messiah is flagged by Moses and Elijah. Then, Peter (the rock, who had a way about putting his foot in his mouth) said, "Lord, it is good that we are here" and then offered to pitch three tents for Jesus and the ghostly figures. And what does Jesus say, "Nah, this isn't where we are supposed to stay....now we downhill".....or something like that ;).

​What I am trying to articulate is that that mountain peak, that instagram photo at the top, that picture perfect life that comes at the end of safely tip-toeing through life is not the goal. I think, what is the "better part", is to embrace the free-fall of the downhill. To embrace the rush of sudden changes and obstacles; because it is by this route that we learn self-trust, self-love, and self-vindication. Plus, sitting on top of a mountain drinking your beer at the lodge is a lot less satisfying than flowing into and conquering your own fears on the downhill. 

My meditations continued as I made three more passes down the mountain. I did my first pass in 55 mins, my second in 35 mins, and my last two runs were a mix of "blues" and "blacks". I am grateful that I completed my first day of downhilling without a crash, but I know that will not always be promised in the future. I will not let that stop me. No, I plan to downhill very soon (before Winter Park turns back into a ski resort) because I want the downhills in my life. And, even if I do crash and burn....well at least I'll be burning with a passion and zest for life.