"I Shaved My Eyebrows"

Smiling. Pretending my middle schoolers aren't losing their damn minds. It's fine. I'm fine. Ho, Ho, Ho.

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Do you want to know what a fresh can of chaos feels like? Well, step into any middle school the week before Christmas break.

This week marks the last week of the first semester of school and it is arguably the most difficult week of the year. By this time of the year, teachers are exhausted and kids are done pretending to care about rules and protocols. In fact, they seem ready to rebel and equipped to further exhaust their teachers into oblivion. Here are a few things that have already happened this week...and it's only Tuesday. 

1) I had a student greet me on Monday morning saying, "Good Morning, Ms. Montoya! Guess what I did this weekend?". He made his greeting down a long hallway and I smiled brightly at him and said, "Well, good morning! Sounds like you had a good weekend. What did you do?". It was by this time that we crossed paths down that long strip of hallway and he said, "I shaved my eyebrows!". Sure enough he did. He stopped me in my tracks as we now stood there three feet apart from each other. I tried to retain my smiling eyes before I asked my next question, which was, "Oh, what inspired that?". He beamed with confidence and merely shrugged his shoulders...then continued walking my opposite direction. I was half mortified and half inspired. 

2) Long chains are a trend right now; and you know who loves a trend? Middle schoolers. Several of my middle school boys have been sporting long gold and silver chains. I'll have to admit, some of them are looking pretty flossy, especially my latino students with their nameplates and shining "Virgen de Guadelupe" pieces. However, today's chain was far from flossy. While teaching a lesson on annotating, I did my usual walk about the room while I covered material on the projector screen. This gives me an opportunity to check on the kids' engagement as well as their note-taking skills. As I did my round about and spoke about annotating unknown vocabulary, I spotted one of my students across the room distracted by his sternum length silver chain. He was fidgeting with what looked like a medallion on the end. So, instead of calling him out in front of the class, I calmly walked over to his desk while continuing to lecture in hopes to get him back engaged. I calmly tapped his desk and whispered, "Hey, let's stop playing with your fly medallion and let's take some notes.". He looked at me, slightly embarrassed that he has been addressed and said, "Miss...it's not a medallion...it's my King Soopers card.". Sure enough, it was. A long silver chain with a red King Soopers reward card on the end. I stood corrected.

3) Bathroom humor is high humor in middle school...so is anything remotely sexual. Today, I had a sixth grader making suggestive noises (queue female moaning sounds) while at recess. It was high-pitched, it cut the air, it carried across the 50 yard blacktop, and like a dog whistle it caught my attention. We caught eyes and I forced his eye-contact until I made it all the way across that 50 yard expanse. I saw his expression move from elation to terror. He knew the sound was inappropriate and I informed him that if he did it again, I was going to have him replicate it for our principle in his office. Let's just say, I didn't hear it again.

It's only Tuesday. And, I assure you, these will not be the only cans of chaos opened this week.