July 28th, 2020

On my morning walks I am either accompanied by a nature sounds, a book, a  music playlist, or by a podcast. Today's companion was the latter. Finding the perfect podcast companion can be a difficult one and more often than not it results in a mundane bust. However, today's podcast hit the soul differently.

Today's podcast was inspired by a brief glance over my bookshelf as I stretched and drank my morning coffee at 5am. A friendly face smiled back at me, it was Thomas Merton. Merton has been a friend since my own monastic days and his Trappist lifestyle and zen-mystic approach to prayer and life has been a source of practical and hopeful inspiration. However, I had lost touch with this old friend and that brief eye contact reminded me of the old flame. I then picked up my phone and googled, "Thomas Merton podcasts". One of the first results was titled, "On the Road with Thomas Merton – Fred Bahnson" by the Emergence Magazine Podcast. 

 The podcast captures Fred Bahnson's reflections as he follows the final footsteps of Thomas Merton as he pilgrimages to the Redwoods Monastery in California and the Christ on the Mountain monastery in New Mexico. His reflections are based on Thomas's writings during this time as well as his conversations with the monks who had met his at both of these Trappist monasteries. The root theme is the idea of "journey". The cliche idea that life is a "journey", but also the profound truth that life is a "journey". It is that journey toward the true self and that journey toward a union with God. The journey of pushing into "the great doubt" and the journey that is not geographical, but metaphysical and spiritual. A journey that is in fact a pilgrimage. 

However, almost contradictorily, the journey is not in the progressing forward, but instead in the mindful presence of the moment. A death to both past and future, but instead a thrilling and continuous birth of now. The journey is to be total, to be whole, to be love. The journey is move from doing to the act of being. It is the embracement of the poverty of life. Learning to love my own littleness, my own loneliness, my own lack of ego and identity. Not so as to hate and disown myself, but instead to journey toward my true self who is not wanting in the exterior acknowledgments of my meaning and existence. It is the journey to hold my real self.

Another important theme that was covered in the podcast was the importance of silence. Now, this is something that was not only taught to me in my monastic days, but it is importance is well known in the current scientific literature. We need more silence. It is in the silence that we are fed. It is in the silence that we find rest. And it is in that silence that we can embark on the journey of losing oneself and finding oneself. At one time in my life, silence was a companion and someone I was comfortable with; however, now it has become uncomfortable. By hearing the words of the Trappists and the beautiful remindings of the intimacy of silence I have reignited my desire to make space for silence. To leave windows of time for me to listen and to let the silence speak to me. For it is in the silence that the wildflower grows and it is in the silence that I will unite with love and make my own journey of growth. 

The podcast lifted my soul. Reminded me of old loves: Thomas, the voyage, and silence. It has been saved to my podcast playlist and I know it will be on heavy rotation and the fruit of many more hours of walking reflections.

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